jenny is standing on my desk and finals are approaching

i really love my dorm room this year. it's awesome. last year my room was kind of bare. well, my side was actually quite over the top, and we put up wraping paper on one of the walls which was awesome, but all of the decorations were mine. that means about half the room was naked. but not this year :) my roommate is totally awesome this year too, she just told me to fuck off. haha, what a doll :) i also love my plants, petri is my little cactus with a pinky/orange flower thing on top, and ferny, my baby christmas tree that i got from target with blake. he's so cute. i absolutely love him. i wish you could see him, truly. he is very soft and he smells nice.

i remember when i used to consider myself a good writer. i remember a friend telling me that she had a lot of trouble to know where to make paragraph breaks and i coudn't understand how. now i understand because i can't really do it either. i feel like it's because of all the internet writing i've done. in the begining i felt like it was loser-y to write properly with capital letters, page breaks, eloquent language and the like so i didn't and now it just doesn't come naturally anymore. i should have done newspaper. seriously. kare and kate, it's so easy to read their journals, everything seems to flow. even when they jump around everything makes sense and i can follow what they're thinking. anyways, yes. haha, case and point.

finals are coming up. i'm so dead. it takes me so long to study and for some reason i cannot for the life of me buckle down. this is not a good sign. you see, i started the semester off so strong i got this false sense of security that i didn't have to work that hard. now all these finals and i realize i don't know the current material as well as i did the old stuff, i've forgotten the old stuff--which i need because three finals are cumulative, and that i'm hanging onto my grades by the skin of my teeth. and here i am, still not studying, writing in this.

i tell myself that this is good for me, gives me a chance to practice writing something down without any stress. i wonder what i could do with this speech i have to do if i knew it wasn't going to be graded. i feel like i would be able to write it a lot faster and that it would wind up being a lot better and more interesting. but it isn't, so i will stress. i will work for hours when i know many of my classmates can write these with only one hour. and now i fell tired.

amazing how my mood just changed so quickly. it went from a happy, mildly empowered, i-can-pull-this-shit-off sort of mood to a kind of sad, somewhat defeated mood. damn live journal. but yeay for jess :) now i'm happy again. i will get through finals and everything is going to be okay :) you know, i say that to other people a lot and really mean it, so fuck! it should be the same for me :-!